


tokyo narita (just stop and breathe a second)

by poutyong



Series: agnes [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Jaehyun has anger issues, M/M, Phone Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Taeyong is kinky, a little angst a little fluff a little smut, completely self indulgent and not very good, hyunjin and jeongin from stray kids are here, jeongin is taeyongs little brother, johnten if you squint, kind of just introducing the universe, not too graphic but the other parts of the series will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 16:18:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18369602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poutyong/pseuds/poutyong
Summary: everything that was wrong with taeyong's life was all his own doing. ten liked to call it self-awareness. whereas taeyong (and jaehyun agrees) calls it stupidity. all of his problems were completely made up in his mind at some point and have nestled their way into his self conscious and he doesn’t know how to rip it out. he went to a school an hour away from his home in order to have some “freedom” away from his parents and forgot that also meant being away from his brother. he is taking 21 hours a semester plus teaching dance with Ten as well as scheduling time in the pottery room for projects and commissions. his twitter dms are always booming.so he pops some pills and suddenly it’s much easier to get through his days of classes and sleep like a normal person should.his method is just a little unconventional.ortaeyong is a pottery major who takes pills way too often and jaehyun is what helps him stay grounded.





	tokyo narita (just stop and breathe a second)

**Author's Note:**

> i recommend listening to tokyo narita by halsey and agnes by glass animals before or as you read x

Taeyong takes deep breaths. _1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8_. He’s sitting on his unkempt bed, hands in fists as he’s hunched over counting the numbers in his head. His body feels hot and he can feel his box dyed black hair sticking to his forehead.

He has three pills left. Barely enough to get him through half the day. There hasn’t been a sober day since Jaehyun left. The dimpled boy acted a guard for Taeyong. Instead of taking six hydros to calm him down, he would go to Jaehyun and breathe in all the other had to offer.

Taeyong’s chest is filling tight with anxiety and he realizes it’s been eight hours since the last time he took the opioids flooding his system. He doesn’t know where Ten is or why he isn’t answering his phone calls and Yuta is out of town. Jaehyun doesn’t fund his habit and he would rather not explain to the younger why he ran out so fast considering he bought 62 pills five days ago.

Don’t say it. Taeyong knows opioids make depression and anxiety worse in the long run. But when he started hanging out with Ten it seemed so easy to just take whatever Ten gave him at those goddamn annoying ass parties. Ten would bribe him by saying “that sexy second year you ogle at will be there. C’mon Yongie,” and then Taeyong would roll his eyes and chuckle and then Ten would dig into his backpack for whatever was hidden in there.

He has taken many different opioids. So fucking many. But the hydros always felt the nicest. The only problem was that they seemed to gain a tolerance in his body fast and before he knew it, he was taking four a day. Then six a day. Now he has to take at least eight. Yeah, he knows it’s bad for every aspect of his health. But the way his vision tunnels out and the cotton makes his head feel so light and when that damn second year guy looks at him he swears the world stops.

When he and Jaehyun started hooking up Taeyong was almost always a little high. He felt every touch, every divot in Jaehyun’s fingers when they digged into his hips and yeah, maybe that’s why Taeyong’s drug habit got so bad. Jaehyun moving 45 minutes away really did a number on him.

He couldn’t think of Jaehyun, not right now at least. He grabbed the three oblong yellow pills and threw them into his mouth within a second and chugged the rest of the cherry coke left by Mark on his side table.

He closed his eyes and his knee didn’t stop bouncing but he immediately felt a little heavier and lighter all the same. Behind his closed eyes he saw dimples and a bright white smile. Brown eyes that he could stare into for hours to drown in better than any perc could make him feel. He shook his head as if to shake the thought away. He hadn’t spoken to him in nine days. An all new record for two but Taeyong knew Jaehyun was busy writing his first manuscript. A novel he had been working on since Taeyong met the younger last year. He promised he wouldn’t bother Jaehyun with more of his problems of self-loathing and self awareness but it seemed like Jae was the only one who could talk him down. That boy had a way of looking into Taeyong and pulling every ounce of nervousness away.

Taeyong didn’t have some sad sob story of a childhood. Sure, his abeoji was a little too harsh sometimes and his eomma seemed to be too interested in what his little brother was doing to even give a little attention to Taeyong growing up but - nonetheless they still had a relatively normal life. It would be unfair to blame it on them. Taeyong knows this. In fact, Jeongin’s frequent texts and facetime calls were what really grounded him when things got really bad.

Taeyong’s little brother meant the world to him. Jeongin had been more of a surprise when Taeyong’s three year old life. When his mom told him he would be having a sibling, all Taeyong did was nod and continue finger painting.

The reason Jeongin was always favored more wasn’t just because he had a natural set of doe eyes that were even wider than Taeyong’s, or his bright smile that were accompanied by braces when he was thirteen. Jeongin was a genius. He effortlessly aced all of his classes, and became fluent in four languages by the age of 17. Taeyong would probably be jealous if it wasn’t for the fact that Jeongin believed Taeyong put the sun in the sky. When Taeyong started pottery, Jeongin was close to follow, asking his hyung how to make a mug (Taeyong loved mugs). Taeyong’s senior year, Jeongin had come to him, crying and snot running down his face. It was the scariest thing Taeyong had ever seen considering Jeongin _never cried_.

“Innie, what’s wrong baby why are you crying?” It took a whole two seconds for Taeyong to cross his room from his bed to his door where his little brother stood, eyes red and cheeks puffed out. This was the first time Taeyong has ever seen Jeongin cry like this. The only time he could ever think of was when their grandma died when Jeongin was eight. Their parents weren’t home because of working late and so if there was a time where this should happen, right then couldn’t be better.

“Yongie I--” Another sob ripped through the boys chest and Taeyong hoped to whatever god was listening that he would never have to hear it ever again. Jeongin was taller than him only by a few centimeters but as soon as Taeyong wrapped his arms around the younger, it seemed like he shrunk down beneath Taeyong.

“Innie please tell me what’s wrong,” Taeyong rubbed the head now on his shoulder, cradling the shaking boy. “I can’t see you like this. Do you want hyung to cry too?”

After a few more minutes of sniffling and Taeyong trying to hold back any tears of his own, Jeongin lifted his head off Taeyong’s shoulder moving to rest on Taeyong’s bed. Taeyong followed, sitting beside the younger against the wall. Jeongin rested his head on Taeyong’s shoulder, causing the older to repeat the action. They sat there longer in silence before Taeyong heard Jeongin’s phone vibrate, signaling a text. Whatever or whoever it was, caused another choked sob to rip through Jeongin’s chest. Taeyong took his brother’s phone and turned it off, deeming it the issue behind whatever was going on, but not before noticing that whoever had texted him sent a very long and detailed text.

“Are you going to tell me who that was or am I going to have to guess?”

Jeongin sighed, moving to sit upright. Taeyong kind of missed the warmth.

“His name is Hyunjin. He’s a year up.” Taeyong lifted a brow and nodded for the younger to carry on.

“He told me that he _likes_ me,” Taeyong holds his breath. “And I like him too.”

Jeongin was now looking straight at Taeyong, who was a little floored by the new information. Taeyong didn’t understand the problem though.

“I don’t want mom and dad to hate me, hyung. They have me on such a high pedestal as it is. How am I going to be able to face them?” Taeyong was sad. From what he could tell, his brother really didn’t have that much shame residing in himself, it was more fear of how their parents would react. Taeyong was outed the previous year after his mom walked in on him grinding in some senior’s lap in his room. His mom just shut the door and quietly walked out. He wouldn’t have cared but he didn’t feel like adding another checkmark to the “disappointment of the eldest son” list Taeyong just knew his father kept hidden somewhere.

“Do they hate me?”

Jeongin shook his head.

“Then why on earth would they hate you?” Taeyong noticed Jeongin’s shoulders relax at his question and he felt a sigh of relief.

“You are the most important pers--”

“So are you!” Jeongin yelled a little louder than he meant and Taeyong smiled shaking his head in disagreement.

“I don’t think you could do any wrong in their eyes. I know you couldn’t in mine.”

Taeyong felt his body falling backwards as arms wrapped around his neck and Jeongin tackled him to the bed. Taeyong giggled and wrapped his arms around his brother’s torso.

“I love you so much.” Jeongin’s voice was muffled into the bed and Taeyong’s eyes began to burn slightly as he realized that this was probably one of the best moments of his life. For the simple fact of knowing that if he felt like he didn’t have anybody, he knew he had his brother.

 

Jeongin coming out also made Taeyong have this weird epiphany that struck him in the gut in the worst of ways. Everything that was wrong with his life was all his own doing. Ten liked to call it _self-awareness_. Whereas Taeyong (and Jaehyun agrees) calls it stupidity. All of his problems were completely made up in his mind at some point and have nestled their way into his self conscious and he doesn’t know how to rip it out. He went to a school an hour away from his home in order to have some “freedom” away from his parents and forgot that also meant being away from his brother. He is taking 21 hours a semester plus teaching dance with Ten as well as scheduling time in the pottery room for projects and commissions. His twitter dms are always booming.

So he pops some pills and suddenly it’s much easier to get through his days of classes and sleep like a normal person should.

His method is just a little unconventional.

 

Taeyong looked at the black screen of his laptop where the time was bouncing corner to corner. He figured he had just enough time to nap before he went back on campus to work on a few projects as well as a mug he was making for Jeongin’s boyfriend as a birthday present.

When he heard a familiar ringtone go off, he couldn’t reach his hoodie pocket fast enough.

 _Jaehyun_.

“Hello?” Taeyong doesn’t know why it sounded like a question as he breathed out. But hearing a an airy chuckle on the other line was enough to make the cotton in his head feel tight and he suddenly wished more than anything that he had a car to drive 45 minutes away.

“Hi angel,” The pet name made Taeyong close his eyes and hum, close to a purr if you asked anyone else. Taeyong fell backwards, sweatshirt rising ever so slightly causing goosebumps to rise over the skin on his abdomen.

“How’s the book?” Taeyong manages to whisper out, feeling lighter than he has in nine days and suddenly he’s realizing that maybe it isn’t the hydros making him feel so inebriated.

A sigh was let out on the other line and Taeyong wondered what it would feel like if that sigh was in his ear, warm breath blowing out on the side of his face and fingertips rubbing circles into his skin. Taeyong bit his lip when he realized Jaehyun had been speaking for at least two minutes.

“-should be done in a few weeks if I’m optimistic.” Taeyong hums. His heartbeat was starting to thud at the same rate his brain seemed to. Jaehyun always made him feel like this, from the moment they made eye contact at that house party all the way until now where just the mere sound of his breathing brought Taeyong euphoria.

“I miss you.” Jaehyun whispers through the line and his voice sounds like honey sliding down his skin and it sounds so nice and Taeyong can’t help the shiver that runs down his spine while his back slightly arches off the bed. It had been over a month since they’d seen each other. At least a month and _a half_ since they fucked.

Taeyong exhaled deeply through his nose murmuring out a _Jaehyunnie_ as he ghosted his own fingers across the expanse of his abdomen. He thinks - He knows he heard the younger shift in a chair or on his bed.

Taeyong thinks about being in Jaehyun’s lap. His knees on either side of the other’s thighs while his hands are on Jaehyun’s face. The idea of that basic intimacy was enough to make Taeyong moan.

“You’re thinking about being in my lap aren’t you?”

He nods but then he realizes Jaehyun can’t see him so he squeaks out a “Yes,”

raising his sweatshirt to become bundled up under his armpits because the temperature in the room has increased so much but he really can’t spare the time to pull it off because that would mean missing so many seconds of Jaehyun’s breathing and that was time he couldn’t waste.

“Do you want to know what the hardest part of being away for so long is,” Jaehyun’s voice was impossibly low and Taeyong swears he could see that smirk he just knows is on Jaehyun’s face.

He didn’t mean to moan at the thought.

They weren’t mutually exclusive. It wasn’t that Taeyong didn’t want them to be. The way they spoke to one another and the way they touched was enough to prove that this was enough. Why would Taeyong ruin it with some labels or restrictions just because he was too selfish? What they had was enough. The touches and the phone sex and the _real sex_ and waking up to one another on saturday mornings in Taeyong’s blacked out room.

“The worst part is I’m starting to forget what you sound like when you’re underneath me.” There are goosebumps forming on Taeyong’s skin as he lets out a breathy moan.

“Think you can help me remember, angel?”

 

Fifteen minutes later and Taeyong swears he just had the best orgasm of his life all from Jaehyun talking about what he _would_ do if he was there.

He’s resting his head on one of his pillows, bottom half still naked considering he’s going to have to shower before going to the studio. He has Jaehyun on speaker phone while he stares at his wall, wishing for the skin on skin contact.

“How are Jeongin and his boyfriend?” Taeyong hears clicking sounds in the background, which means Jaehyun has began working again. Taeyong would leave him be if Jaehyun hadn’t told him in a high daze a month prior that he does his best work when Taeyong is near.

“They’re good. Innie asked me to make a mug for the boy that says ‘my fool’ in a heart.”

“How romantic.”

“It’s a family thing.”

Jaehyun chuckles and Taeyong’s breath catches.

 _God_ how he wished he was there.

“I do too.”

He didn’t realize he had said that outloud but then again the pills he took before Jaehyun had called were beginning to kick in and he could feel himself becoming more vulnerable by the second. Taeyong pushed his tongue to the roof of his mouth before speaking.

It was already starting to get dry.

“When can you visit?”

“I haven’t had any free time Tyong. I want to do so much more than just shove my dick in your ass when I see you.”

“Kinky.”

“At best I can have this manuscript handed in three and half-ish weeks. Johnny’s already looking for apartments so he can go ahead and move.” Something inside Taeyong stirs.

“Why don’t--” He wished his cotton mouth would go away just so he could tell Jaehyun how he never wants to be away from him ever. How he wants to wake up together always. After a long day of teaching dance or working in the studio, he wants to come home to Jaehyun, glasses perched on that button nose editing another story. He wants this to be permanent.

“Why don’t you move in with me?”

After the line seems to go quiet on both ends for what felt like thirty hours, Taeyong’s brain registers that maybe he should back peddle a little before he ruins something that hasn’t even began. But the second he opened his mouth Jaehyun spoke.

“You’d want that?” Taeyong’s eyebrows furrowed and his lips stuck out showing his infamous pout.

“Of course.”

“What about--”

“Ten has been asking Johnny to move in for months. Johnny always said no because of you.” Taeyong’s lip was starting to bleed from how hard he was biting it and his fingers were grasping his sheets in nervousness.

“Taeyong,”

“Hm?”

“Can I move in with you?” Taeyong giggled and turned onto his back, a wide smile making its way across his face. He could hear Jaehyun on the other line chuckling before he heard Jaehyun scream out, “Johnny you need to find a new roommate!” And Taeyong’s giggles turn to full laughter when he hears Johnny in the distance screaming, “Finally!”

As they talked for little longer about their week, Taeyong realized just how content he was. It never felt like he had to try to be perfect when he was with Jaehyun. He could just be _Taeyong_ and that was always enough.

Jaehyun ended the call when Taeyong mentioned he needed to shower before going to the studio and as Taeyong stood under warm water hitting his skin he realized something.

He was addicted to so much more than just percs and hydros.

* * *

  
Jaehyun didn’t want to move forty-five minutes away.

Sure, he was closer to the book distributors where he reported directly every time he finished a chapter from this godforsaken novel that has significantly taken up any and all time he had. But it also meant compromising something he felt was non-negotiable.

 _Leaving Taeyong_.

If it wasn’t for said man, Jaehyun would have trashed the project during one of his anger driven episodes after a harsh review from a professor left him with a D on a paper he had spent five weeks tweaking. The douche of a professor even left a note that said maybe he should think about changing majors. And Jaehyun _really_ considered it.

But after walking into Taeyong’s apartment that evening, sliding down the front door until his jeans touched the hardwood beneath with bloodshot eyes and swollen cheeks. Taeyong had paused whatever was playing on netflix to run to his side and plant himself firmly in Jaehyun’s lap. One of his favorite places to be. Jaehyun clutched the smaller man to his chest and didn’t let go. Taeyong had said his name in that soft voice of his but it was so clouded because it felt like all Jaehyun could see was red and everything felt to sharp to touch.

“I want to break something.”

Taeyong brought their foreheads together, planting a firm kiss to Jaehyun’s nose.

“Break me.”

That same night he found out Taeyong had a thing for blood. Jaehyun wondered home that night because as much as he wanted to stay with Taeyong, the elder had an early dance class that was too important to even think about being late too, so he was surprised when Taeyong showed up at his apartment the following morning anyway.

Jaehyun had opened the door in a daze. It was 6:53 on a Saturday morning.

After the incessant knocking and Johnny banging on Jaehyun’s wall to get the door (Johnny was too busy editing a photo editorial apparently), Jaehyun made his way to the banging echoing throughout his whole apartment. He was sure the neighbor’s heard, and he was sure he would get yet another noise complaint. He half expected it to be Doyoung, his RA that had a tendency of notifying everyone at the break of dawn when room checks were happening, but instead he looked down to see a black haired beauty clad in sweatpants and a hoodie way too big for his figure sipping on a trenta triple shot mocha. Jaehyun’s manuscript clutched tightly to his chest. Jaehyun had to blink a few times to register that this was in fact, not another wet dream where Lee Taeyong cooks him breakfast and lets Jaehyun fuck him on the kitchen counter.

“Jae, it’s really cold out and as much as I love you eye-fucking me I really want to be inside,” Jaehyun stammered for a second before opening his door and stepping aside, letting the small man immediately relax in the warm air.

“Tyong, what are you doing here this early,”

They made their way to the small bar connected to the kitchen and Taeyong sat, slamming the papers down on the countertop for a mildly dramatic effect. Jaehyun lifted his eyebrows.

“Ten knows a guy who works with a publishing company. His name is Kun.” Jaehyun’s eyes fell to the papers splattered on the countertop, markings and colors in every margin it seemed. Taeyong had read Jaehyun’s manuscript, comprised of then, only 183,792 words. He underlined, highlighted, annotated; anything he could do to get Jaehyun to understand that he was good enough for this. That he had a _gift_ for this. Taeyong’s eyes were determined when Jaehyun met them. And unlike their usual dynamic, Jaehyun found himself feeling very small.

“Ten said he texted Johnny with Kun’s number, probably a nude to go with it but still,” Jaehyun was leaning on the counter, head down and eyes shut, contemplating how he could burn any memory of his script from Taeyong’s brain. It wasn’t even in its final stages and he barely reached the climax. The characters were underdeveloped and needed more personalization. The plot-

“Hey,” Taeyong’s arms wrapped around Jaehyun’s middle, hands clasping over his stomach. Jaehyun hadn’t even noticed Taeyong get up, let alone make it to the other side of the bar where Jaehyun stood.

“Stop doing that thing where you let your anxiety run your thoughts.”

Jaehyun exhaled, left hand clutching over Taeyong’s own for purchase. He didn’t realize he hadn’t been breathing. Taeyong continued to mumble into Jaehyun’s back, “You are an extremely gifted writer Jaehyun. I didn’t sleep because I _wanted_ to finish it. I didn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop reading.”

Jaehyun shakes his head slightly at that and he thinks to himself how he did nothing to deserve Lee Taeyong.

He felt Taeyong’s arms tighten before hearing, “You do deserve me,” lips pressing into the back of his neck where it felt like his skin was burning slightly but it was the best kind of burn he had ever felt.

“You deserve _this_.”

Within the second Jaehyun had turned around and smashed their lips together. It was all teeth clashing with tongues fighting and Jaehyun’s lips already felt like they were beginning to tingle with swelling but it didn’t matter since all he could focus on was showing Taeyong how much he appreciated him. How much he _needed_ him.

Jaehyun did get to fuck Taeyong on the kitchen counter. Johnny tried to yell at them both for getting cum on the granite but Taeyong merely replied by playing a video of Ten and Johnny fucking so loud in his living room, that it could be heard from the back of the apartment where his bedroom was. They all had seen the video before. Taeyong liked to use it as leverage whenever one of the couple would try and get him to do something he didn’t want to do. Sometimes he would tell Ten he owed him pills for making him listen to that, as hot as he found it. He used it for moments like this causing Johnny to stomp off in defeat and Jaehyun kissed Taeyong’s temple with a smile on both their faces.

Jaehyun decided then that he would do whatever it takes to keep Taeyong by his side.

Separating from the one person who pushed him through everything almost made Jaehyun turn this deal down, because in his mind, it truly wasn’t worth it. But after seeing the effort Taeyong made to convince Jaehyun that this wasn’t the right decision, he contacted Kun and the rest was settled.

Jaehyun knew that moving in with Taeyong was a bigger step than either of them would admit, especially considering they weren’t even technically together. Taeyong seemed to have a thing with labels, and Jaehyun didn’t want to pressure him into agreeing to something just because of a little technicality.

Taeyong could call Jaehyun his roommate for the rest of their lives and Jaehyun wouldn’t care he thinks, as long as it meant he had him.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! the rest of the series will be a series of smut fics and a few other parts to this universe, i will also include a bit of hyunjin and jeongin's relationship as well.  
> twitter: gummyongs


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